The 411.

The main reason I've brought this blog to the attention of my friends and family is because I've been hiding for a long time...and I can't afford to shut you out of my life anymore. Like any alcoholic or drug addict, I'm ashamed to admit to having had an addiction, but my life's greatest asset are the people who have loved and known me, and it's going to take more than just me to get me through this.

A lot of people will look at these pics out of pure curiosity. Some will think, "Oh gross." Some will think, "Wow, how did she let herself get this way?" Some will say, "It's ok, girl, you're beautiful no matter how much you weigh," and I especially know that some ladies out there will be looking to compare and will think to themselves, "Yes, I look better than her!"

Truth is, I have to get past those worries because there aren't support groups out there for people who turn to food to cope. There's AA for those who struggle with alcoholism and rehabs for those with drug addictions, but nothing besides Weight Watchers (which is quite expensive) for those of us who turn to food to deal with our troubles. So what I'm doing is turning to you guys - yes, the people in my life who I've been too embarassed to hang out with, call, see on the weekends, given excuses when invited somewhere, and refused to be honest with about what's really going on in my life. I am finally opening up to those who I have been hiding from for the longest - my friends and family. Admitting to you guys that I've hit a rock bottom is the most difficult and BEST thing I could ever do for myself...and, like anyone else, it's a hell of a hard thing for me to do.

Life became too heavy to bear. I never dealt with how all the deaths, all the surgeries, or especially how losing a big career dream affected me emotionally and here I am, with more than 100 pounds to lose. I know there are others in my circle of friends and family who want support in the realm of weight loss and/or just getting healthy in general. Let's band together and support each other. Let's motivate one another. Let's share stories and remind ourselves of why we're moving forward. Let's remind one another to keep our eyes fixed on that long-term goal and look past our itching needs for that quick yummy fix, because the Diabetes, knee replacements, and heart attacks aren't worth it. Sharing my story with you will help me stay committed to myself.

So the battle against myself begins, and you are invited to be a part of my journey. Gawk if you will...be surprised, shocked, and even grossed out, but over the course of the next year or so, I hope you feel inspired to dream of being more than what you are and to give yourself more of what you deserve than you ever have.

A friend once asked me, "What if the whole last 10 years wasn't the story of Sarah? What if the surgeries, deaths, losses, and depression diagnosis didn't make up the most cataclysmic event of her life?" "What else could be?" I asked. My friend paused, lifted her face to the sun, and replied, "Coming back."

My story is changing.

I'm coming back.